LANDON
A friend of mine was leaving for work one morning, completely preoccupied. He grabbed his attache headed for the door. His wife had fainted and was lying in the floor between him and the door. He simply stepped over her, telling her he would be home that evening for dinner. With that, he went out the door, shut it, then reopened it and told her she was still lying in the floor, that he would be there by 6 .30 p He then drove off to work.
ANNOUNCER
Hi again, everyone. This is Heartbeat: the podcast brought to you by Friends of Heartbeat and featuring insight and teaching from the more than 50 years of work done by Landon Saunders. On today's episode, Landon introduces the idea of settling our accounts with love. Once again, here's Landon. How do we maintain the proper balance between love and work?
LANDON
How do we give enough time to our children, to all our important relationships, especially in a time when it is so difficult to make ends meet? There is a sure way to do that. Consider your work for a moment. Studies indicate job dissatisfaction is one of the major causes of stress and depression. A job or career or business can gobble you alive to the extent that that's all you appear to think about or care about.
You can feel under challenged, inadequate, unfulfilled.or feel you're treated unfairly. It's a dog -eat -dog world out there where each is out for him or herself. You may be stuck in a meaningless routine that leaves you bored and feeling dehumanized. Does a person have to spend a lifetime at this just to pay the bills? Relationships are still another cause of energy -draining tension. Camus, in his book entitled The Fall, has the main character say of his life, I have no more friends. I have nothing but accomplices.
Friends or accomplices? Which do you have? Two friends were together during the war. One of them was wounded and trapped behind enemy lines. The other went back after him against his officer's orders. He returned later, carrying in his arms the dead body of his friend. He himself had received a mortal wound. The officer looked down and said, it wasn't worth it. To which the dying man replied, it was worth it, sir, because you see, when I got to him, he said, Jim, I knew you'd come.
Exupere wrote a book which he called The Little Prince, in which he pointed to both the value and process of friendship. One day the little prince was feeling lonely when he saw a fox. Who are you? asked the little prince, and added, You are very pretty to look at. I am a fox, the fox said. Come and play with me, proposed the little prince. I am so unhappy. I cannot play with you, the fox said. I am not tamed.
Excuse me,' said the little prince. "'I'm looking for friends. What does that mean? Tame.' "'It's an act too often neglected,' said the fox. "'It means to establish ties.' "'To establish ties?' said the little prince. "'Just that,' said the fox. "'To me, you're still nothing more than a little boy who is like a hundred thousand other little boys, and I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox, like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me...'
Then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world." The fox gazed at the little prince for a long time, then said, please tame me. I want to very much to the little prince, but I haven't much time. I have friends to discover and a great many things to understand. One only understands the things one tames, said the fox. Men have no more time to understand anything.
They buy things, but there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends anymore. If you want a friend, tame me." "'What must I do to tame you?' asked the little prince. "'You must be very patient,' replied the fox. And before long they tamed each other, and they were friends.
Human emotions and drives and aspirations are like wild horses. They must be ridden and tamed."
But to be ridden and tamed, they must be understood. Once Alexander the Great was given a wild stallion named Bucephalus. When presented to young Alexander, not a single horseman had been able to ride the fierce animal. While others had given up riding the horse off as mean and unmanageable, Alexander tried to understand what was unique about Bucephalus. After much study, Alexander concluded that the horse thought his own shadow was another stallion attacking him.
He bucked to fight off his own shadow. Armed with this understanding, Alexander jumped onto the horse and headed toward the sun. And keeping him turned that way so he couldn't see his shadow, he managed to calm him, break him, and make of him a great ally. You may be standing now in the midst of wild stallions of marriage, family, job, relationships, sex, and success. Failing to understand the uniqueness of each, you've been thrown over and over again.
Once there was a king who wanted to be enlightened. He wanted to discover the secret of happiness and unravel the mysteries of the universe. He learned there was a wise man in a faraway village who had a book that he carried with him all the time. And the story went that in that book, the wise men had written many of the secret meanings about the mysteries of life. The king sent soldiers to get the book. In the process, one of them knocked the old man down, broke his hip, and the wise man died.
The king's hands trembled with excitement as he opened the book. It was a small book, only about a hundred pages. The first 99 pages were empty. And on the last page, the wise men had scribbled one word, love. To some, that sounds simplistic. That's because our society has so reduced the meaning of love that it can now stand for anything. It's lost its punch and power. Love is not a mere sentiment.
It is not some icky, gooey, syrupy substance that makes good soap operas for afternoon television, but doesn't work out there in the rough -and -tumble world where survival has become the most important objective. Love lasts longer than failure. Yes, after the failure has completed its work, love is still there to gather up the pieces and make the person more than they were before the failure. I believe love is the only inexhaustible resource in the universe. And as such,
It is the only real capital that you and I have to settle our accounts with. Just think about what's being said. Love is the only capital you have with which to settle your overdrawn accounts, and yet the supply of that capital is inexhaustible. That means if you and I understand love, we will be able to untie all the knots of our lives and live freely and joyfully in the midst of family, job, married sex, and all the rest. It will settle our accounts.
Armed with this understanding of love, you can stand toe to toe with any failure, eyeball to eyeball with any threatening relationship. You can even stand with set chin and flashing eye and challenge the fears and demons of your own heart. Love is the most powerful thing in the world and human beings are capable of giving and receiving it.
ANNOUNCER
Landon will be back in less than 30 seconds with more on this idea of settling our accounts with love.
But we want to remind you that additional materials from Landon are available absolutely free of charge without obligation by visiting our website, thisishartbeat .com. That's thisishartbeat .com, all brought to you by Friends of Heartbeat. Now, let's get back to Landon.
LANDON
Here's what love can do for you. Number one, love can make you equal to every adversary relationship you have.
It will enable you to deal with the orneriest person you know. Let me explain. Now you should be most grateful for the most ornery person you're around. They're there for a purpose. Do you realize that they are your greatest opportunity for growth? Now the first thing love does is enable you to see them, that ornery person, as a person with their own hurts and fears, which combine to make them ornery. Love next enables you to be grateful for them. Be thankful for them.
This in itself will change the relationship. Gratitude is the most powerful ally of good relationships. Love will further free you from having to get even with everything that happens. You don't have to get even. You don't even have to compete. Remember, you are your own unique self with your own unique mission. Love even enables you to take positive action toward the other person. You'll affirm them. Mark Twain said he could live two months on a good compliment.
If you've been talking to people and they seem deaf and unresponsive, here's an instant cure. It's called praise. Remember to appreciate people. Appreciation is tough to resist. And then if everything else fails, love will enable you to go right up to that person and say, hey, I don't like you. I need to know you better. Will you come over to the house for dinner tonight? Number two, love will enable you to nourish all your important intimate relationships.
If you're neglecting your marriage partner or your children or a friend, you can do something about that, even if you have little time. You might even find that it isn't that you never see your family. It's what you do to them when you do see them. Love will make you the kind of person who can be fully present with another person. To be fully with another person tells them something about how important they are to you. Remember what we said in an earlier discussion?
Love enables us to look into a mate's eyes, into a child's eyes, to look at them in a way that makes the world stand still, lightning strikes. You can look at them in a way that lets them know how deeply you love them, that you'll never leave them, that you'll go to the wall for them, no matter what. You see, real love means you commit yourself unconditionally and without guarantee. That's why love never gives up.
Love recognizes the value in every human being and goes after it with unrelenting persistence. Being fully present with those you love in the small amounts of time you have will mean you're a good listener. Do you know nothing is more healing than being listened to? It means we're taken seriously. We're being understood. No one can develop freely in this world and find full life without feeling understood by at least one person.
One of my fondest memories of my own father is that he always had time. He was very busy, yet he somehow conveyed to each of us children that he had the time when we needed it. Sometimes we're afraid that giving some time to those we love most will unbalance the account called work. I think that's never true. You can love your family in the right way, and you can love your work in the right way, and you can keep both accounts balanced. Sit down and think about those you love.
No matter how afraid the relationships are, it's not too late. Take action now. You're a person of love. You are strong. You can act. Number three, love prepares you for real friendship. And friendship is the core of every solid, joyful relationship. Marriage is friendship. Lois Wise wrote, someone asked me to name the time our friendship stopped and love began. That's the secret. Our friendship never stopped.
A friend is a person who, when other people walk out, they walk in. They're the person you call, and it matters not where in the world you are. If you call them, they'll come. Yes, there is risk in loving friendship. However, love is enabling you to act in the proper way toward other people, no matter what they do. If the friend fails, yes, you'll be hurt. But your hurt will not be fatal. Love will keep you from getting bitter and resentful. It will keep you from holding grudges that'll make your outlook negative.
Love will enable you to respond so completely to another person that you forget yourself. And when you've done this, you will have come out of the mob, out of the blob of quivering humanity. You have a face. You have a name. You have a distinctive voice. You have become yourself. You are the person only you could be. Love frees you from having to judge the other person. Instead, you seek to understand the other person. You let them be who they are. You accept them. as they are. Love uses the two most powerful words in the English language, I'm sorry. It takes a great person filled with a great love to say, I'm sorry. Number four, love keeps fire in your spirit. Love keeps passion in the life long after the pace has slowed to a halt. Love opens your eyes to see the beauty around you in a bird that sings, in a blade of grass, in a compliment given. Love touches and feels what it's touched. Love laughs without hollowness. Love cries tears that are round and soft and human. Love keeps the surprise in our relationships, nothing dull or boring here. And love sustains our spirit when everything around us is pulled away and we're left alone in silence.
Once a man owed a great debt that went into millions of dollars. He was brought before his king in order to pay. The man begged for mercy as he told of his inability to pay.
Finally, the king was touched and removed the debt from the books. The man was free. He left the king with indescribable joy. And a little while later, he met a man who owed him only a few dollars. He harshly demanded payment. And when the man begged him for mercy, he refused it and had him taken into custody. When the king learned what had happened, he summoned the man, reinstated his debt, and had him imprisoned. Settling our accounts with love means
We will be forgiven a lot and we will forgive a lot. The future of the world depends on whether we have the courage to love.
ANNOUNCER
Thanks for joining us for today's episode. And we want to remind you that you can find additional materials and more information about the work of Landon Saunders by visiting the Heartbeat website. Thisishartbeat .com. There's never a cost or obligation. We respect your privacy. And until next time.
This is Heartbeat, the podcast.
